Can anyone give me an honest opinion of my short story?

Here's a piece of it.





Is it interesting and is it going anywhere?





May could not have come fast enough for the budding group of departing seniors from Colford University. On an evening where the euphoric skyline that draped over the jubilant grads stood still in a blend of blue and tangerine, the day was about to retire into the evening twilight. For the numerous students who packed commuter vans and walked in groups averaging 3-5, their nights were just beginning.





Most were ready to let their hair down after a tumultuous month of papers, exams, and research studies. Among the gallery of white baseball caps, oversized cups and domesticated cackling, stood well known attendees at an off-campus mixer. Ellie Bowden and her group of girlfriends comprised that list. Ellie and her girls were checking out the scenery, as they had so succinctly put into their efforts of meeting men of legitimate dating material.





Across the way, Brendan Rainer had his sights set on the 5’7 tawny-haired bombshell her mother affectionately refers to as 'A little Ellie-fish, about to enter the big pond of life'.


Wearing a striped, button-down shirt, draped onto dreary denim jeans, and parted black hair and sideburns Brenden has had his ups-and-downs with the girl department. To his chagrin, although he valued and respected women, it has most often proved to be his Achilles heel as far as his love life was concerned. He was usually the best friend and he had long since tired of that image. Him and his buddies were also on hand kicking back in the corner and conversing. Was Ellie Bowden out of his league? Maybe. But then again, he had his gameface on. Nothing was going to stand in his way, except for two Capri-sporting, sandal-wearing, necklaced girls who got his attention first.





In the traditional sense, Brendan and Ellie came from opposite sides of the tracks. In lieu of their social standing, neither lacked drive. Besides, they were graduating college next week, so things should even out smoothly.





Early afternoon, Brendan woke up from a semi-drunken stupor to the hammering of the door from his father Don. Right off the bat the everso blunt, yet overprotective old man of the Rainers look his son square in the eye with a sentiment of Son, we need to talk.’ For Brendan this was all too routine. Had it been a cd that lain next to his hundreds of music tapes, a more fitting title of his father's speech would be The Best of Mr. Rainer’s Bullshit Lectures: Volume 1, available in both Stressful and Unnecessary.. Brendan cared much for his parents although he sought to find his own identity in his 4 years of Colford. His mother Beverly was the first to hug the first of the clan to have done anything productive past high school. She and her husband were high school sweethearts who married into their early 20s and raised Brendan when they were relatively anew to their own existence. Over the years, they had gone out of their way to bond with their kid over a variety of topics, ranging from learning to balance his own check book to sex. Brendan beyond hoped it would not be one of those talks.. Admittedly enough his estrangement from his parents at a young age was not something that would deter his parents from doing their part in raising his son with some semblance of integrity and standard. That did not always stay in tact once Brendan started his freshman year, but then again so didn't his laundry habits.





How you been, dad?,” Brendan asked with heavy eyes and semi-combed hair carrying a heaping helping of a month's worth of wardrobe.





Just bring in the rest of your bags---you know your mom and I really missed you.”





He put on weight, Don,” Beverly chimed.





“I doubt that, honey.”





It's been a while since you been at school, and.we're going to have to ask that you switch to living in the basement or possibly moving out,” his father relayed passively.





What the hell?,” Brendan stood dumbfounded. He looked to his mother with a glance in his eye seeking approval if she would be too put off that he curse up a storm. It would not be the first time.





what about MY room, ma ?”





“Look son, we know this has been a hard pill to swallow but things haven’t been on the up and up at work,” his father retorted. “And ever since we came here her and I have had a hard enough time getting aid to put your brother and sister through school. That’s what it is, Brendan. I’m sorry.”





The middle child of the family was feeling like the forgotten one as he buried his head in his hands with an animated grunt and galloped upstairs before getting the attention of his mother. “Bren, we did keep your stuff downstairs,” his mother proclaimed to her defeated son, in a tone resembling a game show announcer letting a contestant know they had still won the complimentary parting prize.








"What the hell is that about, man?," was the initial reaction from his buddy Dennis. "I dunno, they're being weird. But maybe it's for the better," Brendan nonchalantly quipped as he drew devil horns around stick figures emulating his folks.Brendan was a drawer who also liked to write. Since artists who occasionally penned was not a solid major, Brendan took side jobs and apprentice work shops after school to hone his passion for drawing. He used to just stick to comic book superheroes until he figured he move on to bigger and better once he hit campus. Plus he did could do without being taunted for it by potential love interests. That night, Brendan and his sentimental entourage of post-collegiate hopeless romantics took to one of Colford Universities popular off-campus dive bars: Chet's. What started out as a series of walks 3 nights a week amid-st tethered finances and the occasionally overdue midterm take home exam, became a car ride into town, feeling like the had taken the wrong turn at the crossroads of their newly-designated roles in society: Rookie real worlders.





Ellie Bowden felt a sense of loss when she had trouble finding a full-time job after graduating with a degree in finance. She was very involved on campus and was a tri-star athlete who excelled in the class, and definitely knew how to have a good time in between and around her endeavors. At times overly conscientious of her looks, Ellie would tussle her strand of tawny-brown locks and bat her green eyes, along with soft lips and a diamond necklace she wore in tribute to her grandmother. Ellie was a family person at heart. Although she felt she may have done some things at college she may not have done after finishing school, nor necessarily felt proud of Ellie sported lots of energy and personality aside from her good looks. She was also not one to take lightly in terns of pulling the wool over her eyes. Months after finishing school, Ellie took notice of how infrequent she would see her friends from high school, let alone some of her suite mates she had been tight with since her sophomore year.





Ellie had her "return nights" at Colford but it was not the same. New faces, new crowd, new drama. Same old routine. Brendan felt similar at his guys night out at Chet's, sitting at the bar watching ESPN parallel to older townsfolk who sported Keno tickets and cigars. His and Shawn and their friends of their old roommates sat awkwardly ajar a storm of spilt drinks and camera flashes. That night, Ellie babysat for her neighbors, but instead of chatting up with some of her old teammates plastered on her cell phone directory, she brought over a scrap book and glossed over it since one of the pages had a congratulations card that said "Here's Looking at you Kid", and had a baby emblazoned on the front. Ellie wanted children of her own somebody, but finding Mr. Right was not something she took lightly, especially when many of the men who had flirted up a storm toward her at Chet's two nights a week back in her final semester were old enough to be her uncle...literally. She was still her mother's princess, her 'Ellie-fish in a pond.' And it really annoyed her with a passion. Though she loved her mother, she wasn't quite ready to take on a role as a 12-year old girl trapped in a young woman's body. Bickering ensued and Ellie's trip to Key West on Spring Break was now rivaled by bickering over keeping her room picked up.





Six months after the homestretch of senior year winded down, talk show reruns and Gelato proved stale to Ellie--a determined post-collegiate, who had sent out hundreds of resumes but ended up getting called off of most jobs she went for. Temping and waitressing to support herself, aside from the clothes store she clamored at since high school, Ellie got the occasional pep talk of others who hated their jobs and ask that someone with as much potential as her break out of her rut and exit their self-proclaimed retail hell. Then she remembered that her time would come in spite of the prominent mentality that who you are replicates what you make of it. Brendan contributed to several on-line magazines to pad his amateur resume, but nothing that paid off his student loans. Characteristically, those that are fortunate---and there are usually a lot of people, who receive their degrees and get into their fields, were on the opposite of Brendan who had since come to feel that he did not know what the hell he wanted to do with his life. Even though he had not needed much of his parents help when he lived on campus, he commonly never turned it down when offered. Truth be told, both of Colford's fresh new representatives in finding themselves after dusk has overcast their dawn of post-adolescence-- alongside the always prominent 'we're not kids anymore, now what?!' mentality were pawns of the separation anxiety that thrusted what was set to be the crossroads of their journey into their mid-twenties. Both were hard workers, but each had their own parental sparring and runaround responses from job recruiters that they were not quite preparing to see, but were not immune to. The determination and long term goals of each had long since been compromised and their morales were declining.





Brendan stayed around town and frequented the basement aside from his parent's garage. He had grown to adjust to the independence he had long hoped for, but never expected--particularly in the fashion in which it was first introduced months prior. At a New Year's Eve party took out to the patio at Dennis's apartment, an epiphany struck Brendan Rainer, two years removed from his five-year plight of early class, 3am pizza deliveries and the occasional practical joke by his hallway mates. He had come to realize that would likely never happen again, though he could still sing a mean Tom Petty song using a beer bottle as a microphone when playing guitar that night.





Looking back at that time of a college grad's life where the fun and glory of finding yourself on your own, 8 months at a time proved to be overly gratuitous and sentimental. Things would not be the same for either but then there were the inevitabilities of getting older that was also on deck in their own ambiguous agendas.





Then again, there is always grad school.

Can anyone give me an honest opinion of my short story?
As I started to read it, I had a hard time dodging the massive chunks or big words. they're piled all over the place. Spread them out a little thinner, like warm butter on bread. let your words flow freely and less complicated. Write a little more like you talk. I love it when ppl do that. You have a good story going, but I got lost a bit too. Explain the atmosphere a little more, so your reader can feel more at home and follow effortlessly. You've really put alot of work into this, and I congratulate you. Keep it up and don't quit!:)

Can someone please give me an honest assessment on my short story?

Here's a piece of it.





Is it interesting and is it going anywhere?





May could not have come fast enough for the budding group of departing seniors from Colford University. On an evening where the euphoric skyline that draped over the jubilant grads stood still in a blend of blue and tangerine, the day was about to retire into the evening twilight. For the numerous students who packed commuter vans and walked in groups averaging 3-5, their nights were just beginning.





Most were ready to let their hair down after a tumultuous month of papers, exams, and research studies. Among the gallery of white baseball caps, oversized cups and domesticated cackling, stood well known attendees at an off-campus mixer. Ellie Bowden and her group of girlfriends comprised that list. Ellie and her girls were checking out the scenery, as they had so succinctly put into their efforts of meeting men of legitimate dating material.





Across the way, Brendan Rainer had his sights set on the 5’7 tawny-haired bombshell her mother affectionately refers to as 'A little Ellie-fish, about to enter the big pond of life'.


Wearing a striped, button-down shirt, draped onto dreary denim jeans, and parted black hair and sideburns Brenden has had his ups-and-downs with the girl department. To his chagrin, although he valued and respected women, it has most often proved to be his Achilles heel as far as his love life was concerned. He was usually the best friend and he had long since tired of that image. Him and his buddies were also on hand kicking back in the corner and conversing. Was Ellie Bowden out of his league? Maybe. But then again, he had his gameface on. Nothing was going to stand in his way, except for two Capri-sporting, sandal-wearing, necklaced girls who got his attention first.





In the traditional sense, Brendan and Ellie came from opposite sides of the tracks. In lieu of their social standing, neither lacked drive. Besides, they were graduating college next week, so things should even out smoothly.





Early afternoon, Brendan woke up from a semi-drunken stupor to the hammering of the door from his father Don. Right off the bat the everso blunt, yet overprotective old man of the Rainers look his son square in the eye with a sentiment of Son, we need to talk.’ For Brendan this was all too routine. Had it been a cd that lain next to his hundreds of music tapes, a more fitting title of his father's speech would be The Best of Mr. Rainer’s Bullshit Lectures: Volume 1, available in both Stressful and Unnecessary.. Brendan cared much for his parents although he sought to find his own identity in his 4 years of Colford. His mother Beverly was the first to hug the first of the clan to have done anything productive past high school. She and her husband were high school sweethearts who married into their early 20s and raised Brendan when they were relatively anew to their own existence. Over the years, they had gone out of their way to bond with their kid over a variety of topics, ranging from learning to balance his own check book to sex. Brendan beyond hoped it would not be one of those talks.. Admittedly enough his estrangement from his parents at a young age was not something that would deter his parents from doing their part in raising his son with some semblance of integrity and standard. That did not always stay in tact once Brendan started his freshman year, but then again so didn't his laundry habits.





How you been, dad?,” Brendan asked with heavy eyes and semi-combed hair carrying a heaping helping of a month's worth of wardrobe.





Just bring in the rest of your bags---you know your mom and I really missed you.”





He put on weight, Don,” Beverly chimed.





“I doubt that, honey.”





It's been a while since you been at school, and.we're going to have to ask that you switch to living in the basement or possibly moving out,” his father relayed passively.





What the hell?,” Brendan stood dumbfounded. He looked to his mother with a glance in his eye seeking approval if she would be too put off that he curse up a storm. It would not be the first time.





what about MY room, ma ?”





“Look son, we know this has been a hard pill to swallow but things haven’t been on the up and up at work,” his father retorted. “And ever since we came here her and I have had a hard enough time getting aid to put your brother and sister through school. That’s what it is, Brendan. I’m sorry.”





The middle child of the family was feeling like the forgotten one as he buried his head in his hands with an animated grunt and galloped upstairs before getting the attention of his mother. “Bren, we did keep your stuff downstairs,” his mother proclaimed to her defeated son, in a tone resembling a game show announcer letting a contestant know they had still won the complimentary parting prize.








"What the hell is that about, man?," was the initial reaction from his buddy Dennis. "I dunno, they're being weird. But maybe it's for the better," Brendan nonchalantly quipped as he drew devil horns around stick figures emulating his folks.Brendan was a drawer who also liked to write. Since artists who occasionally penned was not a solid major, Brendan took side jobs and apprentice work shops after school to hone his passion for drawing. He used to just stick to comic book superheroes until he figured he move on to bigger and better once he hit campus. Plus he did could do without being taunted for it by potential love interests. That night, Brendan and his sentimental entourage of post-collegiate hopeless romantics took to one of Colford Universities popular off-campus dive bars: Chet's. What started out as a series of walks 3 nights a week amid-st tethered finances and the occasionally overdue midterm take home exam, became a car ride into town, feeling like the had taken the wrong turn at the crossroads of their newly-designated roles in society: Rookie real worlders.





Ellie Bowden felt a sense of loss when she had trouble finding a full-time job after graduating with a degree in finance. She was very involved on campus and was a tri-star athlete who excelled in the class, and definitely knew how to have a good time in between and around her endeavors. At times overly conscientious of her looks, Ellie would tussle her strand of tawny-brown locks and bat her green eyes, along with soft lips and a diamond necklace she wore in tribute to her grandmother. Ellie was a family person at heart. Although she felt she may have done some things at college she may not have done after finishing school, nor necessarily felt proud of Ellie sported lots of energy and personality aside from her good looks. She was also not one to take lightly in terns of pulling the wool over her eyes. Months after finishing school, Ellie took notice of how infrequent she would see her friends from high school, let alone some of her suite mates she had been tight with since her sophomore year.





Ellie had her "return nights" at Colford but it was not the same. New faces, new crowd, new drama. Same old routine. Brendan felt similar at his guys night out at Chet's, sitting at the bar watching ESPN parallel to older townsfolk who sported Keno tickets and cigars. His and Shawn and their friends of their old roommates sat awkwardly ajar a storm of spilt drinks and camera flashes. That night, Ellie babysat for her neighbors, but instead of chatting up with some of her old teammates plastered on her cell phone directory, she brought over a scrap book and glossed over it since one of the pages had a congratulations card that said "Here's Looking at you Kid", and had a baby emblazoned on the front. Ellie wanted children of her own somebody, but finding Mr. Right was not something she took lightly, especially when many of the men who had flirted up a storm toward her at Chet's two nights a week back in her final semester were old enough to be her uncle...literally. She was still her mother's princess, her 'Ellie-fish in a pond.' And it really annoyed her with a passion. Though she loved her mother, she wasn't quite ready to take on a role as a 12-year old girl trapped in a young woman's body. Bickering ensued and Ellie's trip to Key West on Spring Break was now rivaled by bickering over keeping her room picked up.





Six months after the homestretch of senior year winded down, talk show reruns and Gelato proved stale to Ellie--a determined post-collegiate, who had sent out hundreds of resumes but ended up getting called off of most jobs she went for. Temping and waitressing to support herself, aside from the clothes store she clamored at since high school, Ellie got the occasional pep talk of others who hated their jobs and ask that someone with as much potential as her break out of her rut and exit their self-proclaimed retail hell. Then she remembered that her time would come in spite of the prominent mentality that who you are replicates what you make of it. Brendan contributed to several on-line magazines to pad his amateur resume, but nothing that paid off his student loans. Characteristically, those that are fortunate---and there are usually a lot of people, who receive their degrees and get into their fields, were on the opposite of Brendan who had since come to feel that he did not know what the hell he wanted to do with his life. Even though he had not needed much of his parents help when he lived on campus, he commonly never turned it down when offered. Truth be told, both of Colford's fresh new representatives in finding themselves after dusk has overcast their dawn of post-adolescence-- alongside the always prominent 'we're not kids anymore, now what?!' mentality were pawns of the separation anxiety that thrusted what was set to be the crossroads of their journey into their mid-twenties. Both were hard workers, but each had their own parental sparring and runaround responses from job recruiters that they were not quite preparing to see, but were not immune to. The determination and long term goals of each had long since been compromised and their morales were declining.





Brendan stayed around town and frequented the basement aside from his parent's garage. He had grown to adjust to the independence he had long hoped for, but never expected--particularly in the fashion in which it was first introduced months prior. At a New Year's Eve party took out to the patio at Dennis's apartment, an epiphany struck Brendan Rainer, two years removed from his five-year plight of early class, 3am pizza deliveries and the occasional practical joke by his hallway mates. He had come to realize that would likely never happen again, though he could still sing a mean Tom Petty song using a beer bottle as a microphone when playing guitar that night.





Looking back at that time of a college grad's life where the fun and glory of finding yourself on your own, 8 months at a time proved to be overly gratuitous and sentimental. Things would not be the same for either but then there were the inevitabilities of getting older that was also on deck in their own ambiguous agendas.





Then again, there is always grad school.

Can someone please give me an honest assessment on my short story?
i like it


great characters


i am in grade 12 and am dreading growing up, i like the cynical view, it is refreshing


if i had to find something i didn't like much it would be sometimes the language sounds like the author is trying to put in deep adjectives for the sake of it, i am not sure if they are necessary


"euphoric skyline that draped over the jubilant grads"


it sounds good but i would personally use more simple language


if i made a magazine, i would put this in it


and if the story was in a magazine, i would buy it
Reply:I gave up after the third paragraph. Your over-use of fancy adjectives and other "fine writing" is typical of many new authors, and can be cured. But it puts most readers right OFF! Report Abuse

Reply:There is potential here. If you are truly passionate about writing, willing to be rejected many times before being accepted, and have perseverance then study writing and work on your story. Best Wishes! Report Abuse

Reply:Before you write story, be guided from :Author Assist.com; also Writer's Digest, Timothy Hallinan com. Know about plot, setting, 3 structure of a story to make it easy. by just looking your masterpiece, you have almost same length of paragraph that even essay needs pattern. good luck.
Reply:You must have pleasure in expressing your short-living incidents which will be a permanent source of happyness and enjoyment..go on writing - preserve the memento of your personal pleasure .
Reply:ya next time u want someone to answer something don't do this it is not worth it.
Reply:first of all it a long story and it has no meaning go back and try again and this time make it short.

I'm attempting to make a romantic "mix CD" for my boyfriend.?

Yes, it is lame. I care not.





Anyways, some of the bands he listed that he likes on his myspace are:





Panic!at The Disco


UnderOath


Trapt


H.I.M


Avenged Sevenfold


The Used


Blink-182


Papa Roach


3 Doors Down


Breaking Benjamin


Hinder


Atreyu


69Eyes


Pantera


System of a down


Simple Plan


Rise Against


Sevendust


Korn


ColdPlay


Drowning Pool


Eminem


Maroon 5


Green Day


Linkin Park


Nickleback


The Killers


DevilDriver


Azzido Da Bass


Mortal Kombat Techno


Finger Eleven


Crossfade


Slipknot


Staind


Disturbed


Unwritten law


Green Velvet


From Autumn to Ash





And I know of a few bands he likes that arn't listed.





Anyone know of romantic songs from any of those bands, or any romantic songs that would go along with them?





In a moment I'll post a list I've already gathered of potential songs tonight.





Thanks bunches, sincerely!

I'm attempting to make a romantic "mix CD" for my boyfriend.?
sorry I don’t have too many here but it’s a few…


Panic!at The Disco - nine in the afternoon


Blink-182 - going away to college (this is a good one!), another girl another planet, all the small things, roller coaster


Hinder - lips of an angel, better than me


ColdPlay – Viva la vida


Eminem – lets be honest… I don’t think a sweet romantic eminem song exists…


Green Day – I’ll be there, whatsername, good riddance (time of your life)


Nickleback – Photograph, Far Away, Savin’ Me


If you want a few more ideas, theres these: There is by Box Car Racer (side project of blink 182), the great escape by Boys like Girls, with me by Sum 41, when your heart stops beating by +44, light up the sky by, only one, ocean avenue by Yellowcard, Lyla, she’s electric, wonderwall, she is love by oasis.


those are a little like the bands u listed


hope this helps!
Reply:Try this blog- http://letmeplaythemusic.blogspot.com/..... This features songs from different genres that are very good. The best thing about this blog is you can listen to the song and then download it.
Reply:Maroon 5 - Won't Go Home Without You


Nickleback - Photograph


Simple Plan - Untitled


Gareth Gates- Anyone of Us





btw, i think its a sweet thing you're doing for your boyfriend
Reply:relient k--"the best thing"

roller blades

Can u tell me the song name or song artist of these lirics?

well from what i heard it on the radio it went like this. the lirics are not in order btw





breaking my back justs to know your name


when somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like..


bring it backdown tonight bring it back down tonight


when all i want to do is try


i got potential

Can u tell me the song name or song artist of these lirics?
somebody told me by the killers! here are the lyrics!


KILLERS LYRICS





Somebody Told Me








Breaking my back just to know your name


Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game


I'm breaking my back just to know your name


But heaven ain't close in a place like this


Anything goes but don't blink you might miss


Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this


I said heaven ain't close in a place like this


Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight


Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight





Well somebody told me


You had a boyfriend


Who looked like a girlfriend


That I had in February of last year


It's not confidential


I've got potential





Ready? Let's roll onto something new


Taking its toll and I'm leaving without you





Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this


I said heaven ain't close in a place like this


Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight


Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight





Well somebody told me


You had a boyfriend


Who looked like a girlfriend


That I had in February of last year


It's not confidential


I've got potential


A rushin', a rushin' around





Pace yourself from me


I said maybe baby please


But I just don't know now


When all I wanna do is try





[x3]


Somebody told me


You had a boyfriend


Who looked like a girlfriend


That I had in February of last year


It's not confidential


I've got potential


A rushin', a rushin' around








hope this helped!
Reply:that is "somebody told me" by the killers
Reply:The Killers - Somebody Told Me
Reply:Somebody Told Me - The Killers
Reply:Somebody Told Me by The Killers





You probably already have plenty of answers hehe :)
Reply:Somebody Told Me by The Killers
Reply:KILLERS LYRICS





Somebody Told Me








Breaking my back just to know your name


Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game


I'm breaking my back just to know your name


But heaven ain't close in a place like this


Anything goes but don't blink you might miss


Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this


I said heaven ain't close in a place like this


Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight


Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight





Well somebody told me


You had a boyfriend


Who looked like a girlfriend


That I had in February of last year


It's not confidential


I've got potential





Ready? Let's roll onto something new


Taking its toll and I'm leaving without you





Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this


I said heaven ain't close in a place like this


Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight


Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight





Well somebody told me


You had a boyfriend


Who looked like a girlfriend


That I had in February of last year


It's not confidential


I've got potential


A rushin', a rushin' around





Pace yourself from me


I said maybe baby please


But I just don't know now


When all I wanna do is try





[x3]


Somebody told me


You had a boyfriend


Who looked like a girlfriend


That I had in February of last year


It's not confidential


I've got potential


A rushin', a rushin' around
Reply:somebody told me


the killers
Reply:the killers, son!





and the song is called 'somebody told me'
Reply:somebody told me





i think its by the killers
Reply:Somebody told me, The Killers
Reply:"somebody told me" by the killers
Reply:somebody told me by the killers
Reply:it's lyrics not lirics and its somebody told me- the killers
Reply:The killers - Somebody told me.
Reply:It's "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers





Breaking my back just to know your name


Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game


I'm breaking my back just to know your name


But heaven ain't close in a place like this


Anything goes but don't blink you might miss


Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this


I said heaven ain't close in a place like this


Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight


Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight





Well somebody told me


You had a boyfriend


Who looked like a girlfriend


That I had in February of last year


It's not confidential


I've got potential





Ready? Let's roll onto something new


Taking its toll and I'm leaving without you





Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this


I said heaven ain't close in a place like this


Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight


Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight





Well somebody told me


You had a boyfriend


Who looked like a girlfriend


That I had in February of last year


It's not confidential


I've got potential


A rushin', a rushin' around





Pace yourself from me


I said maybe baby please


But I just don't know now


When all I wanna do is try





[x3]


Somebody told me
Reply:somebody told me by the killers

Please tell me which songs you like the best that i wrote and do i have potential to be a songwriter?

1. you say im the only girl you wanna be with


that you wouldnt hurt me and go out with some witch


thats when i awnsered a call from another girl


she said to tell you that you were great and that you rocked her world


then you come home wit some perfume i dont own


you start to deny things and tell me to leave you alone





2.sticks and stones may break my bones


but words may never hurt me no more


ive been through the pain been through the sorrow


cried so much as if there was no tommorow


i would wish that my life could be a fantasy


something that aint hard and you can go by easily

Please tell me which songs you like the best that i wrote and do i have potential to be a songwriter?
Song number 2 is pretty good. Well done.
Reply:on your way to becoming a WONDERFUL emo song writer! lol a lot of it really depends on the music you have with it, a song can have great lyrics and be ruined by how the sing it or the instruments the use...so if you do get to be a songwrighter, don't let some one fu.c k it up by having the wrong sound

Please tell me what you think of these song lyrics I wrote.?

Be eccentric, be unique be who you want to be.





The door closes.


The night ends.


Moon rises again.


Stars shine under a dark shadow,


and beams through a darkened window,


and we all fall back in to the earth's pattern.


Eyes shut,


Words are short cutted,


Ending the rucus,


Silence train comes our way from, the


rail road of the days events.


We prevent our minds from swinging with the pain that presents itself in our heads.


Little whispers, little whispers there,


Children now snoring dreaming with out a care.


Dreaming of being a part of the earth's future.


Life sleeps, life lives, under this moon, under this nature.





We wake,


We sleep,


We bath,


We eat,


We take,


A break,


with lifes own beat.





The door closes


the day begans.


the suns rises again.


Light shines over trees.


And beams through windows,


onto sleepy cheeks.


Eyes are open,


were coopen


with the future in hand.


The train of a new day, immeditally pushes us ahead.


We get on the bus, or head out to work.


Going to places that we think we were,


Already did this yesterday,


I'm stuck in a routine, and from day to day,


I just need to escape.


Commotion, people talking here.


Children day dreaming with out a care.


Dreaming of being a part of the future.


Life sleeps, life lives, under this sun, under this nature.





Chorus





Sometimes I feel lost.


Like Life just cost to much


to even go on.


But then I see the love,


The focus that is smogged,


the mission that is long,


that potential that we've all got.


Generation come,


Generation go,


Every nation stands,


because of every single man that carries a heavy load.


Family found, or family gone,


living with in this generation,


A nation and a hope found in us all.


Dream to succed, and advanced out of the fog.

Please tell me what you think of these song lyrics I wrote.?
Hi Juefawn...I think your song is very nice...it is hopeful, and positive...also...I don't think it hurts that others have done the same thing...some of the greatest themes in songs are repeated throughout the centuries...people actually like that...it is not a perfect song but is very strong...I think it is good to critique the works of others but I find it repugnant that some do so with such arrogance and cruelty...that apparently gives them some delight...actually humans stopped eating their young a long time ago....
Reply:sound nice..... it really does :)
Reply:i think u need to copyright this b4 it gets stolen....... 4 reals


-_-


cuz its pretty damn good
Reply:It's decent, but I feel like i have heard that before. So many bands sing about the same thing, you need to be just a little more original. But it's a good start.
Reply:when you sing about the sun riseing you should say up again
Reply:this is nothing everyone doesnt know
Reply:it's awesome but, i agree with martini.





i think you ought to delete this song from this site before someone gets there hands on it.

10 points! JONAS and AA fans!!!!!!?

10 points to the person who can give me the facts w/ a credible source and link.


when did aj and joe jonas break up?


when did the song 'move on' (jo bros) come out or was sung?


when did the song 'potential breakup song' (aly and aj ) come out?


were there any statements made by joe or aj about why they broke up? state?





if you know the answer to any one of these, please respond. thanks :-).

10 points! JONAS and AA fans!!!!!!?
Aj and Joe broke up sometime in 2006.


The song move on came out in May of 2007.


The potential break up song came out July, 2007


I don't know about why they broke up though


Hope i helped:)
Reply:haha damn... i give up lol
Reply:okkay ime gonna try for this cuz im bored..





joe and aj break up-


http://www.topix.com/forum/city/redmond-...





move one i couldnt reli find that much.-


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It's_About_...





potential break up song, if your thinking about that like they wrote these about them, i know move on is like oldishh, and i dont think ally and aj write there own lyrics-


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potential_B...








aj and joe break up-





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBoAr8J-f...














hope i helped=]
Reply:OMG I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT THE JONAS BRO
Reply:i LOVE jOE AND NICK AND PAUL
Reply:2 be honest i dont know...
Reply:Joe broke up sometime in 2006.


The song move on came out in May of 2007.


The potential break up song came out July, 2007


I don't know about why they broke up though
Reply:OMG!!!! I...... totally don't care

Toothbrush